Is there a cream for that?

Everyone can stop worrying – I’m back! Yes, it’s been a while. During my hiatus I have been wrestling many leopards (ie, starting a new job, moving into a new house, getting a new cat, and growing my hair out.)

Now that I’m back, I have several good blog posts in the pipeline, so stay tuned.

For today, we’ll be talking about just how many things are wrong with me. I mean, there are some serious issues here.

"I love the smell of oppression in the morning." Source

“I love the smell of oppression in the morning. Smells like polyquaternium-7.”

Living in Tanzania, I had forgotten, because here advertisements just tell me to drink Tusker, smoke Embassy cigarettes, and buy Vodacom phone credit. But luckily when I was home over Christmas I had the entire weight of the western media to remind me of all my flaws. Thank goodness, because did you know that there is something wrong with:

my eyebrows

my eyes

my ears

my ear canals

my eyelashes

my pores

my nose

my lips

my teeth

my gums

my neck

my shoulders

my upper arms

my hands

my lady parts

my fingernails

my cuticles

my toenails

my stomach

my back

my breasts

my lady hair

all hair, actually

my thighs

my feet

my heels

and all the stuff on the inside that we can’t see – my nutrients, my toxins, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

Overall, I’m a very healthy person. Unfortunately, due to having been born a woman, there are many, many things inherently wrong with my body (see list above) and therefore a lot I need to fix. Luckily, I am privileged to be from a developed country where – much to my relief – there is an infinite supply of cosmetics, sprays, surgeries, goos, pills and all other manner of consumer products to fix me.

I’m also grateful that while I was home in the United States, the media didn’t waste my time trying to sell me things that, as a woman, I have no need to worry my silly little head about. They know that with all the time and money I need to spend on hair, face, and body ‘care’ products and procedures, I have absolutely no time left to worry about improving my life through experiences. I am far too swamped to take the time to cultivate true happiness and satisfaction, learn a new skill, or engage in meaningful dialogue with interesting people.

If I hadn’t spent that month in the good ol’ USA I would have forgotten how much work I have to do on myself.

Am I angry?

Damn right I am.

Coming next week: zombies in Arusha!!